Since all the people who swore to die for our mama, Dame Patience Goodluck Ebele-Jonathan, in the halcyon days of her shoeless husband, have elected to become struck with the affliction of muteness, and hitherto loyal lieutenants have jumped ship, admittedly a sunken one, I consider it my Christian and lawyerly duties, to step forward, and speak on mama’s behalf.
When my much vilified client, [she might decide to monetize my exertions] elected to come out to claim what she has proclaimed her money, a motley crew of bellyachers, haters, professional activists, delusional citizens. And hitherto rational beings, went into overdrive in proclaiming her a thief. Hounding her out of office is not enough, you must also have her head. Mba! Ologinni ko’ja eran amu pa ileya. The cat is not the alternative to the Eid ram.
How much did she steal that you’re all yelling at? I ask you, how much? Is she the first First Lady to steal? How does the monkey’s skull, differ from the gorilla’s? Mrs. Sani Abacha, Aunty Mariam, she lives on in the splendor of the riches garnered in her time in the belly of the rock. Jonah did not kill anybody, Abacha killed several, na elect them elect Jonah, who elected Abacha, why can’t she keep her own dividends of democrazy? Ehnehn! Because Jonah not be soldier abi? Patapata, dem go keep the change wey those careless boys allow dem to find… There’s more where that came from. shior….
Okay, Turai nko? Biko, how her case take different? Okay, na Hausa-Fulani, abi? And Madam Patience na Niger-Deltan? Na so e dey take start. In this matter of the democratization of looting, there shouldn’t be any restrictions, and or limitations, in defining the rights to loot, acquired by the occupant of the office of the First Lady of the federal republic of Nigeria. The right enures in the office, and it should matters not, how your husband got there, or where you are from.
Now to the matter of the ones busy trying mama in the media, she knows what you all don’t know. Nothing will happen. All the noise na shakara. The circus must continue, the ignorant will shout themselves hoarse, and business will continue as usual.
Every circus requires its occasional Christian to be fed to the lions, and we will yet see some nominal sacrifices of pawns in order to save the kings and queens, but before our dear mama Patience is made to be afraid of the consequences of her imagined transgressions, several people in the corridors of powers today, would have become guests in our prisons. Charges would range from stealing to outright murder, and few would remain amongst today’s saints…..
Anyway, Jonah don go tell the bearded one in Minna to call dem man to order, the alternative na mutually assured destruction…. all na shakara oloje…..
We’re just talking oh, and in case you missed the point, it’s called satire….
First published 21 September, 2018.